Title: That Kiss Counts As One Gimli/Legolas NC-17 mpreg
Author/Email: sandyg writearts2@earthlink.net
Pairing: Gimli/Legolas
Rating: NC-17 romantic mpreg
Summary: In response to CIB’s "Action Elf" challenge. During the ugly Battle of Pelennor Fields Gimli discovers just how much his Legolas loves him.
Warnings/Content: violent bloody battle scene, Elf and Dwarf as loving snuggle bunnies and a preggie Leggy
Disclaimer: Borrowing the names, events and adding them into a spicy new stew.
Author notes: Of course parts are a bizarre AU mix of movie and book. A certain character does not die because I just didn’t want him dead.

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As Gimli rode behind Legolas his rough hands lovingly patted Legolas’ ever so slightly expanded stomach. "Oh beloved, I still can’t believe yer wee baby belly. Lately I wondered why ye felt a little rounder than usual but I wasn’t gonna say anything. How can ye be carrying our precious child already? Ha, what am I saying? I am still astonished that ye could become pregnant! The event seems so bizarre yet truly exciting."

Legolas laughed lightly and pressed his long fingers against Gimli’s strong stubby digits. "Well my Gimli, just one time is enough. Obvious something magical happened during our first night. Beside, I seem to remember a certain eager Dwarf who, once he had the nerve to tell me how he felt, wouldn’t keep a certain part of his handsome male anatomy to himself."

Gimli’s rude chuckle vibrated into his lover’s slender black. "Humph, once a certain tall Elf stunned me by telling me he felt similar how could I resist his obvious charms? But still, Legolas, ye are a male Elf and... babies don’t usually spring forth from males. I might be a tough Dwarf who spends more time exploring deep caverns than orchards but even I know about the little birds and bees! Ye are one unusual Wood Elf!"

More laughter flowed from Legolas’ full lips. "Ha, I certainly know you enjoy visiting snug dark places... you certainly like exploring my loving depths." After pausing for Gimli’s semi-outraged sputter Legolas continued in a more serious vein. "I usually take precautions but considering that I traveled to Imladris as a mere messenger I didn’t bring my herbs. I hardly expected a complex journey and I hardly expected to be wooed by a brave loving Dwarf! And I hardly expected to conceive immediately!" After indulging in another merry laugh Legolas dropped his voice into a warm, honey-sweet whisper. "You, dear Gimli, are an extremely potent male."

Gimli nearly swooned with male pride. He loved it when his Elven beauty complimented him. "Thank ye so much, my love. Yes, I also never expected to meet a stunning blonde Elf who, after a bit of a rocky start, actually treated me with supreme grace and consideration. Ye are glorious proof that not all Elves are tall, annoyingly pretentious know it alls."

"Why thank you, I think."

"Twas meant as a compliment." Pausing in his speech Gimli happily nuzzled Legolas’ thick blonde hair. "Mmmm. My love, ye smell so perfect, like a ripe juicy peach or... a flawless summer’s day. I love riding behind ye so I can hold ye close and inhale of yer eternal beauty."

"I know you also enjoy riding on me. I am still surprised that you don’t enjoy riding a horse since you are quite accomplished at..." As Gimli tickled his sensitive stomach Legolas’ words dissolved into giggles.

"By the Sacred Mountain I have found myself one dirty-minded Elf! Sweet one, what has gotten into ye today? Arrgh, wait, don’t answer that one... bah, every time I open my big mouth I stick my hoary old foot in it."

Legolas’ nectar and heat whisper floated back to Gimli. "Mmm, darling, I could stick something else in it for you."

"Ye delicious tease! Hmm, when we reach Edoras again we’ll see about what I’d like in my mouth." As they rode through Fangorn away from their visit to Helm’s Deep Gimli instinctively pressed closer against Legolas’ soothing warmth. "Ack, will we ever be free of this dismal forest? I like it not. Legolas, if I wasn’t on this horse cuddled close against ye I swear I’d be whimpering like a frightened baby."

"Remember you promised to return and explore this ancient place with me."

"Bah, yes I did. I only made that insane promise because I love ye way too much."

Legolas’ happy smile infected his voice. "Thank you, darling. And I will hold to my promise to explore the Glittering Caves with you."

"Aye Elf, now that should be fun. There’s plenty of awe-inspiring places where we could admire the scenery and each other. It will remind ye of our first time in Moria."

A despairing little moan escaped from Legolas’ mouth. He couldn’t halt his shiver of distaste. "Oh dear Gimli, must we make love in a cave again? I only did it in dreadful dark Moria because I wanted your loving comfort."

"Now now, my stunning beauty, I made love to you in the Lorien forest so it’s only fair."

"True. Very well, we’ll see about sex among the stalagmites. Now look, my love, we’re almost free of Fangorn! You can relax now... I feel so sorry for your tension."

"Ahh now, don’t fret, my Legolas. Tis not yer fault I can’t tolerate grim dank forests." Drawing in a deep breath Gimli shivered and, when they were well away from the last trees, he shook his angry fist at them.

Legolas’ laughter chimed free again. He adored his lover’s defiant temper. "Ha, I saw that, lover. Your gesture wasn’t very nice."

Snorting in contempt Gimli finally relaxed against Legolas. "Well neither are those blasted trees. Now instead of fretting I can enjoy the sun shimmering in yer hair. Much more pleasant."

******************************

A frustrated Aragorn lay staring at the ceiling of the communal sleeping room. His usually calm temper slowly frayed. After the merry celebration everyone else snored contentedly but Aragorn’s Ranger-trained heightened senses still proved alert. If he heard one more... ahh, there it was again. A quiet giggle then a soft squeal erupted from the far corner where Gimli and Legolas supposedly slept. By the Stars one would think them two human teenagers who had just discovered lust!

Legolas’ low voice broke a barely audible whisper. "Gimli, you sneaky love, don’t bite me there again! That tickles!"

Oh please, that did it. Frowning like a fierce thunderstorm Aragorn rose, stalked over and firmly prodded the squirming bedroll with his right foot. Another soft squeak flew up from the blankets then Legolas’ flushed face peeped over the blanket’s edge. A dreadfully embarrassed expression danced across his lovely features. "Aragorn! Oh... I’m sorry, are we being too loud?"

Gimli’s throaty chuckle echoed up from under the woolen blankets. A sleepy Aragorn didn’t want to know what the randy Dwarf did down there. "Yes indeed. Now stop acting like mooning youths and go to sleep!"

Unable to control himself Gimli scolded their friend. "Auch, man, stop being so cranky."

Aragorn shook his tangled brown mane. "Please, you stop being so silly! How can you two act so recklessly when there’s such serious work ahead?"

As he ignored Aragorn’s dark frown Legolas smiled in complete bliss. "Because we’re completely in love."

Gimli’s tousled red maned head finally appeared next to Legolas’ beautiful face. His low burr captured a mocking tone. "That’s right, laddie. We’re fair smitten with each other so forgive us for wanting to live in the face of death. Aye, we know what lies ahead of us but even that can’t quell our passion. Sorry, we’re mad for each other." As he ended his speech the Dwarf pressed a tender kiss against Legolas’ cheek.

Relenting at the amazing sight of the lovely Elf cuddling with the not-so-lovely Dwarf Aragorn chuckled softly. "An Elf and a Dwarf in love. What are your poor fathers going to say?"

Both lovers tried not to laugh too loud. Gimli snorted on his chuckles. "Knowing how they despise each other probably every negative thing they can wrap their narrow minds around!"

After grinning Aragorn shook his head and returned to his bedroll. All right, the next person to disturb him was in for a serious scolding.

Poor Pippin’s ears rang all the way to Minas Tirith.

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Gimli’s anxious fingers gently caressed Legolas’ quivering back. "There there, my love, ye’ll feel fine once we’re on land. Ha, listen to me; once we’re on land we’ll be in the thick of a heinous battle! But that problem will be more tolerable than riding in this stolen ship packed with grisly dead men. I cannot believe we’re doing this stunt. Aragorn is indeed one wily madman."

Legolas huddled against Gimli and moaned. His pale smooth skin looked almost as greenish as the stern silent dead things clustered all around them. "I can’t believe I feel this nauseous. Never in all my long years have I ever felt so ill! This is not the time to be struck with morning sickness. How dreadful!" Suddenly Legolas’ shimmering eyes widened in pain. His slim hands clamped over his lips. Oh no! What was this horrible feeling? It felt like he might...

Gimli gasped and helped his gagging Legolas stand. They reached the ship’s side just in time.

A watching Aragorn shook his head and raised his weary eyes to the brooding dark skies. He wasn’t sure which situation proved stranger; guiding stolen corsair ships laden with bound to his ancestry dead or watching a normally abrupt, hot-tempered Dwarf lovingly comfort a pregnant male wood Elf Prince suffering from morning sickness.

Yes, Middle Earth had gone mad. If Aragorn needed confirmation he now had it.

After losing his light breakfast Legolas drew back from hanging over the ship’s side. Moaning miserably he clutched at his rolling stomach and coughed. "Well, I am one for trying new experiences but vomiting wasn’t high on my list." He glanced down at Gimli. "Have you ever experienced such a foul act?"

As he patted Legolas’ firm thigh Gimli looked slightly embarrassed. "Weeelll, erm, after one too many ales during a wild celebration I admit I have... found myself in the same situation as ye are in now. But that was my own fault; this is not of yer making. Now, my love, sit back down and let me fetch ye water." Gimli returned with a water sack and watched as Legolas washed his mouth out and spat over the side. "Well now, ye look less green. That’s a boon."

Legolas offered his concerned Gimli a shaky smile. "I feel less green. I was desperately trying not to lose my stomach’s contents but I lost the battle." Suddenly his smile turned sad. "Oh dear Gimli, I hope that’s the last battle I lose today."

Murmuring soothingly Gimli embraced Legolas and reverently kissed his small pregnant swell. "Me too, my beauty. Me too. Don’t worry, I will watch out for the both of ye."

A few minutes later the boats pulled close to the shore. Gimli clutched his ax in anticipation. "My Elf, look at that astonishing battle! Arrrgh, yes, it’s time to chop Orcs in half!"

Legolas dropped to his knees and peered through the one rigging hole. "Dear Gods the mayhem looks horrible. So much death. And Minas Tirith looks near to falling. We have arrived just in time!" Feeling desperate Legolas pulled his Gimli close and planted a firm sweet kiss on his lips. "My love, that kiss counts as one. After this tragedy is over I will kiss you until you cannot think."

"That wonderful promise will keep me alive until the bitter end." Grinning cockily Gimli tugged on Legolas’ right braid. "Speaking of counts remember I have one more than you, Elf."

Legolas merrily wrinkled his nose. "That annoying fact will change very soon."

"Braggart!"

"Dwarf."

Gimli blinked then he roared with laughter. "Beautiful, crazy Elf!"

Keeping low Aragorn scuttled over and clapped his hands on two diverse shoulders. "Well, my fine brave companions, here we are. Are we ready to surprise a few thousand Orcs?"

"I feel ready to kill a few thousand Orcs!" Gimli shook his ax at the sullen sky.

"Please do." Aragorn grinned and saluted the eager to slaughter Dwarf. "Now... have at it!"

******************************

"Legolas, my love, stop running ahead of me! How can I protect your pretty back if ye keep running away?"

Hearing Gimli’s protest Legolas glanced back while whirling his sharp white blades through the massive attack that didn’t seem to stop. "Well, Master Dwarf, I cannot help it that you are slowing down!"

Gimli angrily sunk his ax into a Harad soldier’s thighs. After the threat was over he finally shot back an insulted reply. "You dare accuse me of that? Ack, sweet one, after we’re done here I’ll show you how slowed down I am."

"Promises, promises." As he bantered with his lover Legolas dispatched a few more Orcs back to Shadow. This gruesome battle proved incredible; Legolas prayed that he’d never see anything so horrible ever again. The rampaging Mumakil worried him; the men were managing to slay the beasts but...

As he slashed another enemy red battle rage suddenly welled up in Legolas’ immortal soul. This strange fellowship and the many battles had sparked something dark and elemental in Legolas’ usually serene mind. Interesting that he could become so enraged while with child. Poor baby, trapped in a warrior male’s womb!

His acute hearing sensed Aragorn shouting in alarm. Aii, one of the giant beasts fast approached. As he stared at the creature an insane urge rammed Legolas’ mind. His long right fingers briefly caressed his lover’s snarled hair. "Gimli! Take care, my love. I have something I must attend to without you. Forgive me and keep safe."

"What? Legolas, what..." Gimli watched in amazement as his Legolas swiftly leapt forward and scaled the massive gray beast’s rough side. His lithe Elf moved like a spider darting up its guide line. No! Bellowing in epic rage Gimli swung his ax around and ran forward. What was his precious mad Elf doing? He was pregnant! Pregnant Elves should not be climbing up the sides of murderous beasts! "LEGOLAS! Ye come back down here right this second! LEGOLAS! Ye crazy Elf! What are ye doing? Lover, come back NOW! I can’t help you way up there!"

Legolas heard his poor protective Gimli’s frustrated bellow but he continued his rapid ascent. His battle rage drove him on. Gone was the morning sick pregnant Elf; here was the warrior Prince ready and eager for ultimate battle. Legolas’ wide keen eyes assessed his upward approach angle. So far the warriors driving the huge beast took no notice of him. Excellent. His strong slender arms hauled him higher and higher.

Once Legolas reached the top he swiftly cocked his strong Lorien bow and began dispatching the surprised warriors. Lightly running forward he quickly sent the beast’s driver to his final end. Now... yes, the head. Aim for the brain.

Taking a deep breath Legolas aimed and drew his bow back almost to the breaking point. His fingers gripped the siyah. This shot must bite deeply. After silently asking for Elbereth’s aid and grace, since he planned to slay an innocent living creature, Legolas released his silken string and sent the arrow into the beast’s skull. The arrow drove in up to the very feathers.

Excited triumph filled Legolas’ heart. He’d done it! He felt the life force flee from the mighty body under his feet. Yes, the Valar would forgive him for such a kill. They knew the need. Now to survive the descent...

While avoiding his own death Gimli snarled and tried watching his Legolas’ moves. Come on now, Elf, get off of that nasty beast! When Gimli spared a further frantic glance he realized that wily Legolas had slain the beast. His tense heart almost stopped. Would his Legolas get down in time? Already the foul thing faltered and began crashing toward the ground. Gimli’s aching eyes watched as the weak sun glinted off shimmering blonde hair. Come on, come on!

Auch, right then and there Gimli decided he was going to take Legolas over his knee and spank him for acting so rashly heroic.

A bitter pain suddenly careened into his lower gut. Oh. Oh no. Gimli had spent a little too much time watching his Legolas and not enough watching the sly sneaking Orc that had just jabbed a spear into his guts. Old fool! Uttering a furious snarl Gimli raised his ax and cut the sly Orc in half. The battle-crazed world suddenly swirled and shifted around him. He staggered.

No. Damn. This deep gut wound felt bad. All the Dwarf could think was how sorry he felt that he had enjoyed so little time with his glorious Elf. He regretted not seeing his wee babe.

As Legolas rode the beast down to its death his far-seeing eyes found Gimli. When he saw his beloved Dwarf falter and fall to his knees Legolas released a shriek of rage. No! "Gimli! No!"

Leaping the last few feet Legolas lightly hit the ground and dashed to Gimli’s side. "Gimli! My love, how bad is it?"

Although he gritted his teeth in agony Gimli still managed a sardonic grin. "Bad enough, love. Hmmph, that was a good stunt but to me it only counts as one." Seizing up in pain Gimli almost pitched face down into the bloody mud; only Legolas’ quick left hand gripping his broad shoulder halted his descent.

All time stopped for Legolas. Even as the glowing dead raced around him and warriors screamed in death he heard nothing. A dull roaring rush filled his head.

Nearly every warrior on the field, both friend and foe, turned at the sound of Legolas’ piercing Elven battle cry. No one there had ever heard the like before. The brilliant cry sliced through the sullen air like a lightening bolt, inspiring fear in the Shadow followers and bravery in the Rohan men.

Recognizing that legendary sound Aragorn whirled around and stared. Legolas... oh no, Gimli had fallen. No! As Aragorn began running toward them a massive assault of Orcs surrounded him. Gods, every last Orc in Middle Earth seemed intent on killing him!

Legolas’ entire long body shook with his anguish. Suddenly his left hand easily yanked Gimli heavenward. Treating his wounded lover as if he were but a child Legolas clutched Gimli’s stocky body close to his own. Legolas rejoiced; his straining Elven heart felt Gimli’s still beating heart. He lived. His lover lived!

Now to get Gimli to safety. Legolas realized he needed to change his weapon of choice. His elegant bow proved useless and he needed more than one white knife. His right hand reached down and gripped Gimli’s ax staff.

Releasing another chilling shriek Legolas rapidly spun in a circle and sent the deadly ax through a dozen startled Orcs. Limbs flew. Blood spewed. Severed heads spiraled into the air and rained down on other warriors.

Alarmed Rohan warriors took heed and fled from that area of the battlefield. They recognized a deadly warrior who had just crossed a line into not knowing friend from enemy. Venturing close to the beautiful Elf would now cost anyone his life.

Legolas ran forward and repeated his insane maneuver. Dark stinking blood spattered across his entire tall body. Darting forward again Legolas released another Elven battle cry and Orcs fell before him like harvested wheat until they began running away from this fearless, ax-wielding warrior who cradled a Dwarf close against his chest.

For a few horrible bloody minutes Legolas remembered nothing but the brutal, basic urge to destroy those who had dared harm his lover. As the Elf hacked his way toward Minas Tirith’s main gate he instinctively slaughtered anything straying into his path. He passed judgment and dealt out his final sentence. Gimli’s heavy ax spun and spread death where ever it hit. Legolas felt as if he had always handled such a substantial weapon. The knowledge of how to correctly swing the heavy metal head flowed down into his slender arm.

Legolas hesitated only to swipe the foul thick blood away from his wide staring eyes. One small clean patch remained on his green suede sleeve.

A snarling Aragorn finally broke free from the assault trained on him and ran toward Legolas’ bloodied form. All around them the glowing dead swarmed toward Minas Tirith. Aragorn saw that Legolas had nearly lost his mind. How dangerous! Acting so violently couldn’t be healthy for his gentle Elven soul or his unborn child.

Raising his husky voice into a strident tone Aragorn yelled to his possessed friend. "Legolas! Does Gimli live?"

Legolas twitched and cool Elven sanity crashed back into his battle-possessed mind. He knew that voice. Glancing wildly to his side Legolas saw Aragorn frantically hacking his way over. "Yes, Aragorn, he lives! Forgive me for abandoning the battle but I am going to the city!"

Aragorn raised his shining blade and slew an Orc. "Go! Make haste! Save Gimli!" Learned Aragorn feared that if Gimli died he’d lose more than one close friend. Killing another beast he whispered under his breath. "Fly like the wind, my fair Elven friend. My prayers go with you."

At seeing the thick blood coating his body Legolas shuddered and almost vomited for the second time in his long life. Oh what had he done? Why had he wasted precious time killing the enemy instead of running directly to the city?

Snarling in frustration Legolas almost flung Gimli’s ax away but no, his lover would want his favorite weapon back. As he lunged forward Legolas only swung the suddenly heavy weight if directly challenged. By this point there were few left to do so. The advancing dead had done their grisly job, and as Legolas drew close to the city he spent most of his time swiftly leaping over lifeless bodies.

Startled Gondorian soldiers who had suffered Orcs, seen the White Wizard’s magic, endured the dreaded Nazgul, heavy aerial bombardment and an army of dead warriors now stared as a blood-soaked... yes, that was an Elf clutching a... Dwarf ran between the broken gates. To their surprise a melodic voice sounded from those bloodied lips. "Where are your houses of healing?"

A frightened soldier who planned on retiring after this utter insanity gestured to the Elf. "Follow me." He didn’t care that he left his post. What the hell did it matter? Beside, he didn’t trust the wild look in this tall Elf’s shimmering sapphire eyes. Worse yet he didn’t like that bloody ax.

After murmuring his thanks to his guide Legolas burst into the bustling sixth level house. At seeing what she perceived as a bloody demon from the Shadow’s foul depths a female healer screamed in raw panic. Other healers whirled and stared. Ignoring the tumult he caused Legolas found an empty bed and gently laid Gimli down. Aching tears suddenly leaked from his wide eyes. He couldn’t bear this agony!

All stared in silent amazement. No, this was no demon. A demon would not cry like his heart was breaking. As they stared they saw the pointed ears and realized that an Elf stood before them.

Legolas sternly controlled his sick weeping. There was no time for this nonsense! He stared at the gathered healers. His words tumbled free. "My lover was stabbed in the left side, low near his hip. Please make him live, please. I love him. I carry his child. He must live!"

The healers all glanced at each other in continued astonishment. This day indeed brought all sorts of strangeness! Two healers cautiously walked to Legolas’ side and he stepped back to let them examine Gimli. Feeling Legolas’ anguish Tetra, a young female healer, bravely touched his right arm. "Sir Elf, are you wounded?"

Legolas’ white teeth flashed in his blood-soaked face. "Nay. This is not my blood."

Tetra swallowed deeply then nodded. Best not to ask. Working quickly the healers stripped off Gimli’s clothing. When Legolas saw the ugly gaping wound he almost endured another first; he almost fainted. Aii, being pregnant certainly made his senses go mad! This swerving between rage and frailty felt most annoying.

Tetra glanced up at Legolas’ tense face. "Sir Elf, this is a serious wound but it appears that no vital organs were hit... or, well, in a human no vital organs would have been hit. We know not if a Dwarf’s anatomy differs greatly."

Legolas broke into unexpected laughter. He had never thought of such a thing! "Ahh, dear healer, I only know that my lover has a large loving heart, a sharp mind and the proper male workings. After that, well, I am as ignorant as you."

Tetra dared the bloody Elf cautious smile. Hearing Legolas’ shining laughter made her feel less fearful. "Ah, well, yes. Ahh... very well. But with the proper care I think he will survive, but it will be a long healing process."

Now Legolas’ radiant smile dazzled the healers. His one last smile sapped the remaining strength from his battle-sick soul. Already his right arm cramped in ugly pain.

Giving in the suddenly exhausted Elf finally experienced his first fainting attack. Luckily two watchful healers caught him before he hit the floor.

******************************

"Legolas! You great Elven ninny, wake up! Or does Aragorn have to lay his hands on ye also? After bringing Theoden, Faramir, poor little Merry and fair Eowyn back from the fatal brink I think the laddie deserves a rest!"

Legolas rolled his head against what felt to be a fairly soft pillow and focused his eyes. He vaguely wondered why his hair was wet then he remembered everything. As he stared up into his lover’s smiling face a loud gasp of pleasure ripped from his lips. "Gimli! Oh my darling Gimli, I thought I had lost you!"

Gimli sat on the bed and yelped as his arms suddenly held a crooning in joy warm male Elf. Their lips met madly until Legolas drew back. His long fingers gently caressed Gimli’s weather-beaten face. "But my Dwarf, how is it possible that you are up and walking? What... how long have I been senseless? Have I been unaware for days?"

Oh, Gimli’s next grin mocked Legolas. "Well, young Princeling, I think ye have been with out good sense for many a long year but regarding being unaware to the world it’s only been about four hours."

Legolas playfully pouted then he shook his head. "But my beloved, how can you be healed?"

A weary-looking Aragorn appeared in the small room’s doorway and cast a fond smile across his two friends. "Legolas, for shame, are you not up on your lore? When the king returns he brings healing in his hands!"

Laughing in stunned delight Legolas hugged Gimli close again. "Aragorn, how amazing! Then I must thank you with all my immortal soul! The healers claimed Gimli would survive but it would be a long process."

Looking a little annoyed Gimli shrugged. "Bah, it’s not as if I am magically healed; I still have a few stitches in me but the wound looks like it’s two weeks old instead of mere painful hours old. But Theoden, auch, now he was definitely a hair away from slipping over but Aragorn pulled him back."

"Oh I feel so overjoyed that such a wonder happened. So we are victorious?"

Aragorn flashed Legolas a tight smile. "At least on this front. Now comes the final push but we shall talk of that later; I fear Theoden, although better, will not be with us for any more battles. Poor soul." After briefly bowing his head Aragorn looked more positive. "When you both feel ready come join me for a celebratory glass of wine. Although we are far from finished we should take comfort from this moment."

"With pleasure, King of Men."

Aragorn grinned then departed.

Gimli and Legolas stared at each other then Legolas pulled Gimli close again. Sighing in pleasure Gimli nearly smothered against Legolas’ firm warm chest. Mmm, yes, that sweet hard nipple wanted attention! Gimli’s lips rose to the challenge. Robe be damned; although fine linen caressed his lover’s long body Gimli still tasted his lover’s light summery flavor.

After a pleasant suckle Gimli drew back and arched his thick red brow. His strong fingers massaged Legolas’ barely curved belly. "So, love, I understand from Aragorn and a few of the other witnesses that someone turned beserker out there."

"Beserker?"

"Mmm, yer not up on early human tales. A beserker is a warrior who completely throws himself into battle without regard for himself. I’m not sure I like hearing such a thing considering yer carrying our wee child."

Feeling ashamed Legolas hung his head. "Oh my Gimli, that was truly what happened to me. When I thought you were dead I lost all control. Even when I knew you were alive I still gave in to my vengeance and slaughtered all those around me. I acted like a monster and frankly I still feel disgusted by what I did out there. Tis a miracle that I didn’t slay my own comrades."

"No, I heard from Eomer that his men were smart enough to get out of yer way. But from their observations ye created quite a path of destruction. They feel highly grateful to ye." Mock glaring at his lover Gimli shook his head. "But listen, my bold pregnant Elven warrior, let me tell ye that those kills ye notched up while I was busy trying not to die don’t count. It’s not a fair competition. And remember, that beast counts as one, all right? Elven show-off! I have never seen such a ridiculous stunt in all my life. Aragorn is a bad influence on ye!"

Legolas stared at Gimli and began laughing in amazement. As he fell back to the bed Legolas pulled Gimli down against him and hugged his lover’s body close. "Very well, I concede the point; those kills do not count. And I promise I will never lose my mind like that ever again." After they exchanged a long wet kiss Legolas offered Gimli a dangerously seductive smile. "My lover, I see this room has a door that closes and here we have a supportive bed. Speaking of counting I believe I owe you a few hundred kiss." Pausing Legolas slowly ran his hot tongue over Gimli’s pleased lips. "Of course if you still feel poorly I suppose I could save those kisses."

A panting in desire Gimli rolled off the bed, shut the door and landed back atop of his long lovely Elf in under a second. His stubby fingers opened Legolas’ robe and revealed a glorious sweep of sweet Elven flesh. The sight of Legolas’ rosy nipples made his cock leapt to attention. Gimli automatically counted himself as the most blessed Dwarf ever birthed. After tickling a warm nipple Gimli could barely talk. "Actually, my love, I think riding a certain beautiful Elf might cure me even further."

Legolas trilled in delight. Their lips met again and continued their kissing challenge.

******************************

As they sat in Theoden’s room Eomer started and whirled away from his conversation with Aragorn. His large brown eyes widened in anticipation. "What is that appalling noise?"

Aragorn released merry laughter. Ahh, after all the woe it felt marvelous to still be able to laugh. "That, my friend, is what happens when a Dwarf and an Elf make love. Since they fell in love I have heard that amazing racket one too many a time. Recently they have acted controlled but obviously their joy at remaining alive has conquered their manners."

Eomer stared at Aragorn and started laughing. Aragorn’s own laughter continued. Even Theoden, although still weak, began sputtering with mirth. Yes, laughter felt good. Hearing another long loud shriek of sexy delight made them laugh until tears sprung to their eyes. Eomer shook his head and gasped for breath. "Oh no, I fear I will not be able to meet either one’s eyes without laughing like a loon. The thought of them coupling... is hilarious! I have visuals in my mind that... ha!"

Aragorn gasped for breath. "And did you know that Legolas is pregnant?"

The stunned look on Eomer’s handsome face made both kings laugh even harder. As his face turned beet red Eomer stuttered out words. "Well, if they have a lass I hope she looks like Legolas! By the Moon that is one lucky Dwarf."

After Aragorn choked back more laughter he finally nodded. "Indeed and that is also one lucky Elf to be so well loved."

When Legolas and Gimli joined Aragorn and Eomer in the small Healer’s sitting room for a celebration cup they wondered why both heroic men stared at them, glanced at each other then suddenly began laughing like giddy little girls.

They smiled at each other and shrugged. Humans!

Epilogue:

Months later a stunned Gimli held his brand new baby daughter. After counting her pale pink fingers and toes and stroking her delicate pointed ears, the proud new Daddy gasped, quickly handed her back to the exhausted but radiant Legolas then he promptly fainted.

Luckily Gimli didn’t have far to fall since that counted as the one time his Legolas didn’t save him.

With Love... FIN