Title: That’s Interesting NC-17 Legolas/Jack Sparrow (1/2) comedy/romance
Author/Email: sandyg writearts2@earthlink.net
Pairing: The Pretty Elf and the Pretty Pirate
Rating: NC-17
Type: FPS
Summary: When Jack is again marooned on that ever unpopular island, he discovers another out of sorts visitor... who has his own interesting ideas.
Disclaimer: Just borrowing names from the Mouse and JRRT. No harm intended. Kiss, kiss. And doing the research was so much fun... watch "PotC" over and over? I’ll take as a job, please.
A/N: For CIB's "Padding the Pages" challenge.

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An outraged Jack Sparrow stalked away from the loathsome rum inferno. Imagine torching wooden kegs containing lovely, aged rum just to draw attention to one’s self! Damn that self-centered, sneaky wench! What a tight-lipped spoilsport! And imagine him, the so-called sly pirate, being stupid enough to fall for her cunning trap. Grr, if Jack had acted more aggressive he would have indeed worked his way into her far lower trap that also started with a "C". Since Jack was a gent at heart he disliked using certain words even when the said scurvy wench deserved his scorn.

Ahh, Jack should have known that Elizabeth’s seductive intents were all just cold, virginal manipulations. Never trust a virgin. Never. Blast, they could act as wily and viscous as Barbossa but hopefully they were far less ugly.

As he stomped through the hot white sand the furious pirate rounded a curve which took him away from the flames. He suddenly stopped, blinked and almost fell backward. Jack’s right hand went for his battered blade then he remembered that he no longer had the weapon. Blast and bollocks! He hated pointing his pistol again but instinct took over. Here now, how the devil did someone else get marooned on this forsaken island? Who had this fellow irritated?

Jack crept up slowly. Luckily a few low, wide palmetto fronds screened his stealthy approach. The man, well, Jack thought it to be a man; he dressed like a man but... like no man Jack had ever seen. All right, Jack had witnessed some pretentious pirates in his time but this one dressed right queer; everything hugged his skin! Plus this male looked much prettier than your average pirate or even your average woman, as it were. Jack enjoyed blondes; granted, he harbored a hankering for anything that would tumble him but blondes truly captured his fancy. Yes indeed, this pale creature’s luscious long blonde hair shimmered in the sun’s rays; look, he even decorated his hair with graceful braids. A smiling Jack fingered his own tiny chin braids. Ha, see, they were two of a kind.

After one more cautious step forward Jack deadstopped and almost squealed. No. All right, he had drank a prodigious amount of run last night; his throbbing head told him that fact; but he knew his eyes functioned correctly. After all, a few minutes ago as he aimed his pistol Jack had only seen one of that black-hearted, rum-burning, false bit of stuck-up skirt. And he only saw one of this... creature. But Jack’s startled eyes definitely viewed a delicate pointed ear. Yes indeed, the sculpted ear facing Jack came to a graceful ivory point. Now that wasn’t right.

As his sweaty fingers twitched against the God-awful humid air Jack’s rum-muddled brain began putting stray facts together. Pointed ears. Dressed mainly in shades of green. Leprechaun? Hmm, weren’t leprechauns short with curly red beards and cheerful expressions? This... ah, for Satan’s sake, call him a man...looked almost as woeful and doleful as Jack felt.

And no leprechaun, leastwise none that old Jack ever heard of, displayed a nasty long bow strapped to his back. And a quiver filled with feathery arrows. Aye, quite a few birds gave their tails for that wicked arsenal. Plus those two lethal-looking, white handled blades flanking the quiver hardly defined lighthearted. Beside, where was the legendary pot of gold? Naught to be seen here. Although truth be told this pretty male appeared as shining and fine as any pot of gold.

What in blazes name was this... creature?

Time to find out. "Hsst. You there! Hallo, you there! Yoo-hoo! Halloooo.... Come on then, are you deaf, mate? Pssst, over here!"

Eh? The stoic blonde didn’t even blink. No, he still sat there morosely staring out into the sparkling blue ocean.

Jack frowned and scratched at a salty patch irritating his right cheek. After being pickled in the briny deep so many times it was a wonder his skin wasn’t as cured as hard tack. Bless his Mum’s good skin.

All right then, what was going on here?

No one had ever accused Captain Jack Sparrow of being a coward, at least not recently. And usually not to his very face. Yes, fine, Jack felt sure there were a few lackwits who doubted his swashbuckle but they were mere fools. Bolding stepping out from the palmetto’s green cover the slender pirate paused then he slowly crept forward. The creature still didn’t move. No fair!

As Jack drew closer he bit his lower lip. He slowly cocked his head to the right and squinted. Well then, this pointy-eared being truly was... breathtakingly beautiful. Now Jack knew a thing or two about physical beauty and this... man, overgrown leprechaun, pixy, Elf or whatever the hell, looked as stunning as, erm, a glittering heap of fine-cut emeralds. Jack decided it must be a he or else the flattest chested woman on this island. Granted that evil, rum-burning daughter of a dottering fool wasn’t much in the bosom department but at least she gave shape to a bodice. This creature’s chest appeared flat and lean. All right, he had wide eyes, full red lips and that sinfully smooth blonde hair but still, there was something masculine about his bearing and carriage; aye, something stern and no nonsense about those elegantly level shoulders.

Holding up his spasming hands in readiness Jack edged closer until he hovered a mere foot away. Was this odd male in a trance? Was he drugged? He was alive; Jack’s staring eyes watched his firm chest rise and fall. Jack’s bare feet moved silently along the sand. Ten inches. Eight inches. Six inches. Four inches. Unable to control himself Jack reached his wagging fingers out. He was just about to feel if that smooth, golden as a doubloon hair felt as soft as it looked when...

A flurry of movement ended with Jack flat on his back with this male digging a strong bony knee into his stomach. One of those wickedly curved blades hovered near his chin. Not good, not good! Urrrgghhh ouch, oh stop, ouch! Pretty please don’t cut the beard!

A demanding torrent of a scintillatingly sing-song language smacked into Jack’s startled face. Jack had heard many a foreign tongue in his time but this weird speak beat them all. It sounded like music the angels might dance to way on high.

Trying not to piss himself in fright Jack slowly raised his hands above his head and produced his finest craven smile. He tried looking like a whipped puppy. "Friend, savvy? Me friend. I no hurt you. Friend."

The male’s wide blue eyes narrowed then he cocked his head. "Who are you?"

Jack instantly grinned and sighed in relief. "Oh good, you do speak the King’s English. That’s a right blessing. I’m Captain Jack Sparrow. Ever so pleased to meet you Mr... ahhh...err..."

Instead of cooperating Legolas dug his knee in a little harder. He didn’t readily give his name to mere strangers. Good; his captive’s wide dark eyes displayed the proper respectful reaction. "Why were you blundering about watching me? Are you a vile sorcerer? Did you have something to do with stranding me here in this strange place?"

Jack frantically shook his head against the hot sand. Ahh, this lean beauty proved to be quite strong! "Arrgh, actually no. I myself am in a bit of a nasty tight spot. I was hoping you could tell me how you got here so we could erm, return the same way?" Right now Jack knew that nothing short of a miracle would save his neck from Norrington.

Legolas’ smooth face tightened in further annoyance. "Strangely named human, I have no reckoning how I came here. I was hunting in my forest and suddenly there was this most unusual glow. The blue light enveloped me and next I knew I sprawled here in this hot sand." His expression turned longing. "Aii, being surrounded by the fair Sea makes me feel restless and sad because I know it is not yet my time to travel over her shining waves to my final destiny."

Well now, that was a poetic way of saying you weren’t ready to die. All right, verbose but cute. "Yes, I know exactly what you mean by that, bucko. I myself am not so inclined to appreciate this blasted place because I also know it is not yet my time to go. But where did you come from?"

"Mirkwood."

Jack blinked in confusion. "Well then, I take it you aren’t from around here?"

Legolas angrily shook his head. His front braids whipped against Jack’s face. "Sir, I have no idea where here is!"

After he recovered from the pleasant sensation of being braid-whipped Jack answered the beauty’s complaint. "We are marooned on a forsaken spit of sand in the flawless Caribbean."

Now what was that strange word? Legolas arched his right brow. He detested feeling so confused and stupid! It just wasn’t like him. "What is this Car-Caribbean?"

What a bizarre question! As he frowned up at this beauty Jack’s right hand carefully wiggled toward the lapping waves. "Erm, you’re looking at it, my fine fellow. All the vast, deadly cerulean depths of it."

"Odd; I have never heard of such a sea." Giving into his fresh annoyance Legolas harshly dug his knee into Jack’s belly again. Jack gagged and choked for breath. "Jack Sparrow, you have the dangerous appearance of a human mercenary, of a bizarre corsair. Are you sure you did not trick me into believing magic has been performed on me? Or have I been drugged and kidnapped? I swear if you have done wrong by me I shall..."

Jack choked again and dazedly shook his head. "No, honest, I had nothing to do with your circumstances... look, mate, if you could be so kind as to stop trying to make my bloody intestines squeeze out my spine I’d be eternally grateful."

Aii, this Jack was right; Legolas was acting like mannerless Orc. After heaving a frustrated sigh Legolas relented and finally released Jack. "Forgive me, Jack Sparrow, for causing you pain. It’s just that I feel so frustrated! So you also found yourself suddenly set on this island? I noticed smoke behind us but I decided to sit here and try and concentrate on returning. I feared to move on the chance that this glow might return and hence transport me home."

Stalling for a little time as Jack slowly sat up he answered the blonde’s question with a question. "Erm, how long have you been here?"

"I feel mere minutes."

"Ahh, I was dumped here last night."

"Why were you cast off to such a dismal place?"

Jack clasped his tanned hands into a prayer. "Evil men, lad. Evil men who stole my beautiful ship and left me here to perish upon these very unforgiving shores. Corsairs, yes, foul pirates who want to rid themselves of me because they fear me, as it were." Not lying. No. Jack decided the full truth wasn’t needed. He sensed this honest beauty wasn’t keen on pirates. He looked to be the Will Turner type, always seeking the good in men. Silly trait. Useless.

"Ahh, I see. That is a sad tale. Yet what is that smoke?" Legolas’ glorious blue eyes widened in realization. Jack almost groaned; zounds, this male proved lovelier than a welcome single malt Scotch whiskey after a long fruitless voyage. "I see; you seek to draw attention to yourself. But what if the foul villains who left you here see yon signal and return to slay you for real?"

Jack’s fingers artfully described filigreed ovals in the air. "No chance of that, lad, but others may come who act just as wicked. This place is overflowing with evil men out to do others harm. They wear blood red uniforms and swarm in packs like gnawing rats. Disgraceful fellows."

Legolas wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Faugh, it sounds like foul Mordor."

Hmm, this chap really wasn’t from around here. Jack cautiously replied. "Well, I suppose so... is that a dark, evil place?"

A serious nod answered Jack. "Indeed the worst in all Middle Earth."

"I see then." A befuddled Jack had no clue what this beautiful blonde spoke of but watching those full, moist red lips move made him feel less vile. Since they seemed to have reached a level conversational ground Jack repeated his earlier question. "So mate, what do you call yourself?"

As Jack watched the beauty inclined his graceful chin toward his firm chest. "I am Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, which is an Elven realm."

A Prince of Elves? What? All right then, perhaps Jack was hallucinating this breathing dream. Well, he had nothing better to do right now so may as well keep chatting. "Well met, Prince Legolas. Now let’s see, before you arrived here you were hunting?"

Legolas nodded, he pleased to have this curious male’s interest. His tastes did lean toward humans with dark hair and rakish beards so this grubby yet pretty man filled his desires. He decided to brag a little. "Yes, I hunted a particularly viscous giant spider that had plagued my father’s finest horses. I was fast on the foul creature’s trail when suddenly I arrived here."

Jack bugged his eyes and looked sincerely impressed. "So you hunt giant spiders, eh? That’s interesting." And really unnatural. Jack hated spiders and if this lovely Elf could stand to hunt giant ones then he must be braver than Jack. No wonder Jack found him so fascinating.

Trying to look innocent, something which usually failed him, Jack fluttered his tanned fingers toward Legolas’ firm chest. "Look, Legolas, aren’t you hot in all those heavy suede clothes? Aye, they be very fine clothes but... perhaps you should... erm, loosen up a bit?"

To Jack’s surprised pleasure Legolas merely nodded. "Aye, I usually I don’t feel weather extremes but this fierce sun makes me monstrously hot."

A smiling Jack couldn’t agree more. Keeping his wide dark eyes friendly instead of lusting he nodded encouragingly and watched. Legolas’ long fingers raced down the green suede tunic’s fastenings then they undid a thin, silvery silk garment. A smitten Jack tried not to drool. Mmm, flesh so smooth, creamy and pale... but firm and manly. Lovely. Perfect.

Jack had no idea what had gotten into him but he just knew that this pointy-eared Elf was one of those exceptions to his few rules. He usually wasn’t one for the lads, although he admitted his lusty eyes had examined young Will’s tight ass a few times. No chance there; that crazy boy was too infatuated with the rum-burning ice queen. Jack pitied the lad; he hoped that if hapless Will finally did diddle old Liz his dick didn’t freeze off in the process. Ouch.

Aye, hallucination or not this shimmering male broke all of Jack’s boundaries.

When Legolas reached his pale fingers over and tugged at Jack’s baggy shirt the pirate almost choked in shock. "Ah, you are tanned and so scarred. Your manly body has endured many a battle. You must be such a brave warrior!"

Jack nodded so hard he almost sent a few beads flying. He waved his hands in grave agreement. "The very same, lad, the very same. A staunch, tried and true veteran of many deadly yet heroic battles against all forms of slinking evil." Taking advantage of Legolas’ interest Jack eagerly shimmied off his battered cotton shirt and gestured at his chest. "Aye, I have the wounds to prove my unerring battle valor."

Legolas gasped and ran his elegant fingers over Jack’s many scars. "Indeed you must be an exceedingly brave warrior. Your firm skin tells me such epic tales." His warm fingertips ended on Jack’s stunned right nipple and gently squeezed.

Jack sputtered and locked gazes with those rare as sapphire eyes. The lissome Legolas suddenly offered him a hair-raising smile. "Captain Jack, I appreciate handsome human warriors. Do you appreciate sharing with other warriors?"

A near to fainting Jack prayed that sharing meant what he hoped it meant. His long fingers twitched and rippled near Legolas’ golden hair. "Mmm, all the time, luv, all the time. Sharing is caring."

Feeling rebelliously naughty Legolas shivered a bit. "Then, Captain Jack, shall we pass the time here by... exploring?"

The giddy Jack wanted to dance around in glee. Could his seduction truly be so easy? "Ha, young one, I certainly wouldn’t mind mounting my flag pole on you." And definitely in you, lad.

Legolas’ sexy light chuckle made Jack’s cock twitch in anticipation. "Captain Jack, you possess a strange way with words but I enjoy it." As he spoke Legolas peeled free from his hose or leotards or whatever encased his lovely muscular legs and kicked off his short boots.

Jack almost ripped his waist scarf and salt-encrusted trousers in two.

When they knelt there staring at each other Jack wanted to weep like a happy child whose mother had just told him he never had to eat cauliflower ever again. Gadzooks, women would give their first borns for such flawless peaches and cream skin. Most men would kill their old grannies to possess such a long, limber cock. Another fact slammed into Jack’s lusting brain; this lad was hairless! Except for that glorious mane and silky pubic hair his skin proved smooth as a newborn’s ass. He was gorgeous!

As he marveled at the bonny view Jack’s aching cock snapped to attention faster than one of Norrington’s red-coated lackeys.

Releasing a gasp Jack once again found himself embedded in the sand with that powerful male body squirming over his own flesh. Happy Jack forgot to breathe. He forgot to think. He forgot what deathly trouble he was in.

Finally pulling himself out of his daze Jack ran his be-ringed hands over Legolas’ lightly muscled back and cupped his sweet round cheeks. Oh. Talk about treasure! Ahh, this pert butt was worth a pile of gold. He couldn’t wait to slip twitching Jack Jr. deep inside.

A lusty Legolas busily flicked his tongue against Jack’s pleased tongue. As he explored this human the Elf thought that Jack’s warm mouth tasted nice, strong and refreshing like an intoxicatingly heady brew. Delicious. In between his devouring kisses Legolas breathed words into Jack’s gasping mouth. "My boring father does not like me to cavort with human warriors but I find the experience ever so pleasurable." Hard kiss. "You are quite a handsome warrior, so different than I." Wetter that water kiss. "You have such unique hair yet you adorn yourself like some Elves do, with bangles and beads." Heartstopping kiss. "Ahh, that’s another thing I adore about humans; their facial hair. I find it ever so manly." Drawing back a bit Legolas nipped and nibbled on Jack’s mustache.

An astonished Jack could only smile and fondle this Elf’s fair flesh as fast as he could. When Legolas suddenly wadded Jack’s clothing into a ball and shoved the garments under Jack’s slim hips stark realization set in. Oh no, this Elf intended on making Jack’s virginal ass walk his plank?

Waving his pointer fingers in the air Jack urgently bugged his eyes again. "Hold a second, mate. Erm, is it your intent to... ravish me?"

Legolas’ ripe lips formed a pretty little frown. "Dear Jack, I never ravish anyone; I only make enchanting love to my elite warriors."

Oh la da, another crafty answer. This bucko was good. "Erm, well, in case it has slipped your notice I am the Captain around here. I’m not the one usually flat on his back." Nor on his belly either.

Now Legolas released a brilliant trill of silvery laughter. The mere sound made Jack’s ready to mutiny cock spin in tight circles. "Well, Captain Jack, I am the Prince here. Let me tell you I have possessed Generals and even a potential King and so far I have heard no complaints. Do not fret; I shall be gentle." Leaning over Legolas plucked a small glass vessel from a pouch on his quiver. "See? I am always prepared for pleasurable action." After dripping the night jasmine scented oil on his tense cock the Elf lunged forward.

Before Jack could issue further protest this beautiful Elf slowly slid his long, lightly oiled lance inside Jack’s surprised tunnel. Jack didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. The strange pressure felt painful but oddly sexy. Whatever Legolas rubbed on his dick smelled amazingly heady. Legolas’ cock teased slowly inside of Jack, the Elf moving carefully until his hips suddenly performed a firm thrust.

That time Jack choked in wild shock but suddenly... hmmm, what sensation was he feeling now? Oh, ahhhh... what did that long cock suddenly hit? Bloody hell, that sensation felt marvelous! Oooo! Jack had a distinct feeling he was no longer a virgin to the mast.

Watching his new lover’s expression shift from confused pain to blissful delight made Legolas smile in triumph. See, no complaints. Legolas knew he now teased a male’s special pleasure area. And his talented cock would tease Jack again and again until he couldn’t stand it.

Whimpering in astonishment Jack gave in and accepted that this lovely yet commanding Elf indeed did know his sexy craft. A small part of his mind prayed that a certain rum-burning, blacksmith fancier didn’t decided to take a stroll around the island. If Elizabeth saw Jack now there’d be no living with her.

When Legolas lightly ran his nails up and down Jack’s hard cock that was almost the end of the quivering pirate. His own hands now sculpted and caressed this creature’s lovely taut waist. He pinched those adorable rosy nipples. Aye, anything Jack touched on this Elf felt fair as the dawn after a dangerous battle.

When Legolas gained a fierce rhythm poor Jack lost all remaining coherency. His entire body danced and twitched just like his fingers were wont to do. He surrendered to Legolas and released his cannon shot against this creature’s firm belly. Blood lovely! Anchors away!

He felt Legolas spasm deeply inside him in a heroic flood.

A dazzled Jack prayed that if this was a hallucination then please never let it stop. He could sprawl on this beach making love to this beauty for ages.

Then again he might starve to death but he’d die a happy pirate.

Warrior. Not pirate. Remember that, bucko.

**************************************** end of part 1

Title: That’s Interesting  NC-17 Legolas/Jack Sparrow (2/2) comedy/romance
Author/Email: sandyg writearts2@earthlink.net
Pairing: The Pretty Elf and the Pretty Pirate
Rating: NC-17 mpreg
Type: FPS
Summary: A stunned Jack learns the true meaning of Middle Earth magic in two majors ways.
Disclaimer: Just borrowing names from the Mouse and JRRT. No harm intended. Kiss, kiss. And doing the research was so much fun... watch "PotC" over and over? I’ll take as a job, please.
A/N: For CIB's "Padding the Pages" challenge.

***********************

As he released himself into Jack’s willing tunnel Legolas draped forward and panted into Jack’s open mouth. "So, dear Jack, are you still whole? Have I split you in two, my Captain?"

A surprisingly satisfied Jack felt like he might never cease smiling. "Mmm, not at all, luv. Instead I think you might have made me reconsider my true place in life, as it where. Tell me, are there more absolute beauties like you wandering about in your forest?"

After he tossed his hair back off his face Legolas offered Jack a coy smile. "There are many tall blondes like myself, especially in Mirkwood. We are quite a fair race, even for Elves."

When his lust-struck heart ceased racing like a young pickpocket in flight Jack instantly fantasized about being surrounded by a harem of tall, beautiful blondes. Ahh, bloody hell, now that certainly beat hanging from the gallows.

During his waking wet dream Jack noticed a sudden odd glow infecting the sultry air. Now that didn’t look normal. A startled Jack watched as Legolas’ body stiffened and straightened up in anticipation. Ooo, look at how the blazing tropical sun outlined the Elf’s pale, damp flesh. Jack decided he had never in his long career seen anything lovelier, well, excepting a big pile of diamonds. But it was a close competition.

A faint voice sounded from the blue glow. "Legolas? Can you hear me? I... can sense you. Call out to me!"

Gasping in joy Legolas responded. "Mithrandir! Yes, my dear friend, I am here in some strange world not my own! Can you bring me back?"

The hoarse voice now sounded excited. "Let me... yes, I can sense you now! I can bring you back over."

After he reached over and snacked up his bow and quiver Legolas suddenly smiled down at the confused Jack. Yes, he thought this pretty human would be a fine addition to Mirkwood. And beside, this interesting warrior would drive his overbearing Father wild! "My Jack, care to come visit my world and escape this vile place?"

Bloody hell, what a question! Jack swallowed deeply and set his mind to the task. All right, lose his precious Pearl, and his treasure yet avoid possible death. Remain with this astonishingly beautiful Elf who possessed quite a way with his long, stiff lance. Travel to a new world where no one knew he was a pirate nor wanted him dead. Interesting. Have a lovely Prince for a boyfriend.

That last thought decided it. Ha, surely a Prince owned plenty of exotic jewels and glistening baubles, right? Most comforting.

As he impulsively made his decision Jack’s tanned hands reached up and clutched Legolas’ firm body close. "All ashore that’s going ashore! Cast off, luv! I’m holding fast!" Jack’s confused eyes sensed the blue glow becoming brighter.

"Mithrandir! Can you bring two through?"

"What? But... all right."

Jack held tight and winced at the odd pressure. He suddenly felt like his ears might spew blood. Gaaaahhh! There was a terrible blast, a blinding silvery flash then he felt himself lying on what felt like a bed of damp leaves. Blinking in amazement Jack realized that his Elf’s cock was still embedded inside his ass. This randy beauty definitely didn’t know when to quit!

When Jack looked up he saw that a tall old man with a tangled gray beard, a long flowing robe and a pointed hat leaned down examining them both. Now that was some strange costume.

The old one gasped in alarm. "Legolas! What is the meaning of this? I..."

A still confused Jack could do nothing but blink and shrug. Luckily his Elven beauty recovered much faster. "Mithrandir, how wonderful, all is well now. This is Captain Jack Sparrow, a brave warrior from that world I tumbled into so abruptly. He was kind enough to, erm, comfort me during my brief but unnerving stay."

Jack blinked again and grinned in agreement. Yes, this pretty lad had a way with his words.

Unfortunately this Mithrandir character sounded far less than delighted. "Is that what you call it then? By the Valar, Legolas, you weren’t gone all that long and you managed to pick up another human stray?"

Jack stiffened and held up his two pointer fingers in supreme insult. Here now, this old ruffian needed to learn a thing or two about manners. "Excuse me, my good sir, I am not a stray. I am, if you please, Captain Jack Sparrow, late of Tortuga and now of... Mirkwood?"

The old man sneered insultingly at Jack and waved a dismissive hand his way. "Of course you are, you opportunistic human. Now be still." Mithrandir shook his head and returned his gaze to Legolas. Mmm, the fair Elf’s nudity made it hard for the old wizard to concentrate. "First off, Prince, I must apologize for what happened to you. I was out here setting experimental time portals to dismiss those dastardly spiders and just as I opened one you came dashing through the forest. Luckily since you wisely stayed where you entered that odd place I was able to locate you."

Oh the nerve of this old coot! Jack did not like being insulted like he was a common, money-grubbing strumpet. Frowning in anger Jack opened his lips for a pithy retort when Legolas gently shook his head and pressed his lips to Jack’s frown. Jack relaxed and decided to shut up.

After kissing Jack’s frown away Legolas nodded up at Mithrandir. "Yes, old friend, I thought it best not to leave that area. But I was fated to go there because now I have met dear, brave Jack!" Legolas’ twirled his long fingers in Jack’s chin braids. Jack smiled in delight.

Mithrandir tapped his staff against Legolas’ bare buttocks and let his voice turn condescending. This wild young Elf just never learned! "Well, Legolas, I think it’s time for you to stop meeting this Jack creature so intimately and release him. You know your Father isn’t going..."

As he hissed in warning Legolas narrowed his wide eyes. Jack felt Legolas’ long fingers tense against his braids. "To be happy about hearing that his only son was whisked off to another dangerous world because of someone’s silly spell?"

Ooo. Jack raised his brows and mockingly mouthed a silent whistle. Bloody hell, this beauty was a tough one.

Mithrandir sputtered in rage. "Legolas, it was an accident! I certainly meant you no harm! You charged into my spell before I could warn you."

Tossing his long golden mane Legolas shook his head. He wanted his handsome new human lover and fussy old Mithrandir wasn’t spoiling things for him. "Maybe so but it still happened. So before you go telling my Father that I appeared embracing Jack I want you to consider this angle; because of your spell Jack stumbled through from his world to here. He arrived just in time to help save me from a cruel spider attack for which I am eternally grateful. Therefore I am in his debt and no one, and I mean no one, may speak against him."

Jack grinned in sheer admiration. He liked this Elf’s slick fashion. Although he seemed a goody-goody Legolas had his sly merits. Jack couldn’t resist winking. "Savvy, Mithrandir? I saved the day, as it were."

The furious wizard almost slammed his staff into this impertinent human’s skull. Although with all that tangled hair he’d probably not feel a thing. This human looked messier than Aragorn and that took some doing. "You dare to..."

Legolas regally tossed his thick hair again and spoke in an icy tone. "Mithrandir, old friend, I did say no one."

Shaking his staff in anger Mithrandir glared at the Elf prince. "You are truly your Father’s son, regal one. Very well. Agreed."

"So good to hear that we have an accord." Jack winked and kissed Legolas. "Thanks, luv."

Legolas laughed in sexy satisfaction. "Now you can stay with me!"

As he gazed into this gorgeous Elf’s face Jack mentally waved goodbye to the Pearl and his mates. Well, he did always appreciate new horizons but he never quite anticipated finding them in an utterly different world!

Now if only that sour old man would stop glaring at him. Jack just didn’t trust the nasty coot but he sincerely hoped he had sent a spider or two directly onto the Pearl. Wouldn’t that give old bulbous-nosed Barbossa a start?

As the two new companions untangled themselves from each other they never saw Mithrandir wave his staff and point directly at Jack’s waist. After muttering a few words he smiled in triumph. Welcome to Middle Earth, Jack Sparrow. Welcome to magic.

When they finally stood Legolas gasped in dismay. "Mithrandir, may I borrow your cloak?"

"Of course, Legolas."

A watching Jack didn’t appreciate the old man’s sugary sweet smile. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. Now what was that all about? What was he up to now?

Legolas draped the large cloak over their bodies and hugged Jack close with his right arm. He gestured with his quiver. "Dear Jack, before we meet Father we’ll stop and fetch clothes from my room. I am sure mine shall fit you; we are built much alike. Aii, if we don’t then Father might wonder why we’re in such a naked state!"

Jack rolled his eyes in silent agreement. Aye, it would not be wise to meet your new lover’s father while stark naked. Even bold Jack wouldn’t go that far.

After meeting Legolas’ right cranky although surprisingly handsome and youthful Father and being given a fast tour of his new home Jack found himself embedded in Legolas’ large bed. Aye, he had gained himself one insatiable Elf! Jack discovered he took to his new place in life with merry abandon. He didn’t know if he had always lusted after being dominated by a male or if this beautiful Elf simply owned an exceptionally talented cock. Whatever the case once again Jack found himself panting in pleasure.

After long delightful episode of sweaty, hot slap and tickle Legolas slowly nuzzled Jack’s neck. His melodic voice dropped in shame. "Dear Jack, oh my brave warrior, I hope you don’t think less of me for how I... reconstructed the truth. But I feared that Mithrandir might ruin our arrival."

Jack’s fingers playfully tugged on a thin golden braid. "Legolas, luv, all’s fair in love and war. You did as you saw fit and that sits well with me."

"You do have an odd way with words, my new lover." Legolas’ next long kiss almost suffocated Jack.

As he gasped for breath the pirate prayed he could keep up with this wild young beauty.

MEANWHILE...

Elizabeth finished her third annoyed march around the small island and huffed in pure fury. How had that miscreant escaped without a boat? Why had he left his battered clothing? And why were there odd green suede garments and a pair of strange boots resting on the beach? The only footsteps the governor’s daughter could find were her own and Jack’s, and they led here then halted. Yet there did seem to be signs of a struggle; the white sand looked deeply rutted and indented. How completely puzzling!

Just then a ship appeared on the horizon. Elizabeth’s trained eyes recognized the sails. Hurrah, rescue at last! Enough worrying about that d-d-ddamned filthy Jack Sparrow. Good riddance!

As she stepped forward a dull metallic glint caught Elizabeth’s keen eye. Leaning down she plucked the battered compass from beside Jack’s filthy pantaloons. Yes! Now she could find her beloved Will! She knew this strange device could take her back to him.

All right, fine, once they were both safe she’d drink a little rum to Jack’s memory. But only a sip.

Vile drink. She feared she’d never remove the wretched taste from her horrified tongue. Perhaps if she could kiss her Will the foul taste might fade away.

Elizabeth smiled in virginal bliss and sat to wait for her ship to come in.

THREE MONTHS LATER

A queasy Jack near fell from Legolas’ wide bed and barely made it to the bathroom. After spitting up in the chamber pot he held his belly and frowned. All right, this was like no sickness he had ever experienced. During the past week Jack awoke, got sick but then he felt fine for the remainder of the day. But there were other weird things... he always felt hungry. Plus his belly felt odd. When Jack cautiously peered into the mirror yesterday he wondered why his lean waist had grown a little paunchy. The pirate’s vanity hated to admit it but his belly looked bigger.

Did Jack have a tumor? Did he have... something nasty picked up from the tropics? From drinking bad rum? Aside from the sickness Jack truly felt fine! These past three months had been filled with sheer romantic bliss. Although Legolas’ Father didn’t like him much he tolerated Jack’s new place in the palace. Jack received the distinct impression that sour King Thranduil would rather see his son with one beau instead of many. It appeared that someone had been a bit of an easy piece, as it were. Since the determined to have Jack remain Legolas constantly told everyone that Jack was a brave warrior the other Elves treated him well.

Their days were filled with sword fighting, archery practice, outings on the dark river and wet, hot sex. Regarding swordplay his lovely Legolas possessed natural skill and amazingly quick reflexes but old Jack taught him the proper footwork. In turn his beautiful Elf adored teaching Jack bow skills... anything that involved Legolas holding him close suited Jack fine.

Jack did miss his sea-going ways so he indulged in taking a small vessel for jaunts along the unoriginally named Forest River. Of course Legolas came along because he worried about Jack being alone on the river; he feared Jack might end up in the Enchanted River and that would be wicked. Jack thought his Legolas wasn’t the most competent first mate but he was the damned sexiest.

And the sex... well, the frequent, intoxicatingly wicked sex made Jack wonder if he had arrived in some weird leafy Heaven. Maybe he was dead. If so then thank you very much for this wildly lusty afterworld.

So it wasn’t as if Jack was sitting around doing nothing but eating. His middle shouldn’t be growing rounded. Even as he fretted Jack leaned over and contributed more bile to the pot. Bloody hell, he hadn’t felt this vile since his drunken weekend at that one Jamaican brothel!

Warm, firm hands suddenly caressed his spasming shoulders. "Oh my darling Jack, so you come from a place where the males are like me! No wonder you felt worried about me making love to you."

Jack turned his head and slowly blinked up at his Legolas. Eh? "Whatever are you talking about, luv?"

"You must be pregnant! I’ve noticed you getting ill in the mornings plus your belly has developed the most adorable little swell. We’ve made a baby in you!"

Jack’s dark brown eyes performed their finest bulge yet. Only Legolas’ quick hands prevented the startled pirate from falling face-first into the chamber pot.

*********

Nnnngggh. Go away. Ug. Nasty bad smell. Smelled like the inside of a pirate’s old leather boot. Urrgh...

Jack blinked and stared up into Legolas’ concerned face. His beautiful Elf instantly questioned him. "My darling Jack, are you all right? Is this something serious? Are you in pain? I have called the healer so..."

Jack’s frantic mind raced and jumped like a bee-stung horse during a royal tournament. "Legolas, you can get pregnant?"

Legolas casually shrugged as if the notion wasn’t the craziest thing ever revealed to listening ears. "Well, we wood Elves can. It’s why I like to be the... aggressor when I make love to a male. My strict Father certainly wouldn’t be pleased if I became pregnant. But I feel so excited for you! Oh Jack, you’re going to have our baby!"

A confounded Jack couldn’t halt his next hard words. "Luv, excuse me but you must be right out of your bleedin’ mind. Males do not become pregant. No, excuse me, I do not come from a strange, unnatural place where men become pregnant. Trust me, dearie, the women do all the brat breeding. So yes, Legolas, you must be utterly, absolutely, indisputably daft."

Instead of becoming insulted a glowing in joy Legolas patted Jack’s slight belly and tenderly kissed his cheek. "Nonsense. I know better. Now let’s get you off of this cold tile floor. I am sure it isn’t good for you and the baby. Come on, darling, there’s my wonderful mother to be."

For the first time since they had met Jack almost punched Legolas right in his pert nose. He instantly felt bad for his nasty old urge. He almost wanted to cry.

Oh no. That wasn’t right. Not at all. Captain Jack Sparrow did not cry. But then again nor did he get pregnant, or so he thought. This just couldn’t be happening to him!

After the trying not to laugh healer left the bedroom a dazed Jack moaned and shook his head. "Legolas, darlin, I just can’t comprehend this bizarre event. How can I be pregnant? Granted you’ve explored just about every inch of my eager body with your long, loving lance but still..."

As he stroked Jack’s black hair Legolas suddenly looked excited. "Oh my darling, perhaps something happened to you during our return! Mithrandir’s sorcery could have changed you!"

Well wasn’t that just bonny? An out of sorts Jack still felt like he wanted to scream, curse and run in wild circles. "Well, my beauty, what ever it is it’s not natural. I am not supposed to grow a baby in me!"

Uttering a compassionate little moan Legolas embraced Jack close and nearly choked him with lush kisses. Oh no, his poor darling must think that Legolas didn’t respect him anymore! "It’s all right, my Jack, I don’t think any less of you for being in such a fertile condition. Instead I feel so happy and excited! I shall shower you with love and do everything I can to make you happy. I shall be your devoted mate in every single way."

Jack still pouted then a wicked smile suddenly crossed his lips. "You’ll give me back rubs, foot rubs and belly rubs?"

"Of course."

"You’ll pay special attention to my dear old lance?"

"I shall worship your manly lance as much as needed." Legolas leaned down and pressed his moist lips against Jack’s limp cock. Jack moaned and ran his fingers through Legolas’ thick hair. As he nuzzled slowly Legolas whispered against Jack’s stiffening flesh. "Shall I begin now?"

"Suit yourself, luv."

In seconds the talented Legolas had Jack sprawled on the bed gasping in mindless pleasure.

Bloody hell, maybe being pregnant wasn’t going to be so bad.

FIVE MONTHS LATER:

"Legolas?"

The lovely Elf looked up from reading his book. He had decided to spend his afternoon stretched out alongside Jack on the plush velvet couch. Legolas smiled; he could tell by the charming little smile on Jack’s lips that his mate wanted something. "Yes, my precious Jack?"

"Problem to report, luv. We’ve run out of these delicious honey balls."

Legolas’ shimmering eyes widened in playful distress. "Oh no! My darling, you relax and I shall fetch you more."

Jack waved his twitching fingers against Legolas’ smooth cheek. "And more wine too. Pretty please? I know I’m not supposed to over indulge but... just a bit?"

"Anything you want, my darling. And when I return I shall rub your feet. Your poor toes look puffy today." Before he left Legolas leaned down and pressed his lips to Jack’s round, silk-covered belly. His melodic voice turned husky with sexy promise. "And then perhaps I can pay attention to a few other special places."

After watching Legolas’ stunning buttocks disappear from the room Jack grinned and rested back. His beautiful Elf treated him like a king. Blazes, he felt like a fat, baby-swollen king.

Aye, Jack could get used to this new life. He had already become used to being so completely in love with a male. Hell, Jack had never truly been in love with anyone before now so Legolas had done the near impossible. Granted Jack wasn’t used to his own mood swings, his weight gain or the very concept of bringing up a child but he could adapt. Even if Jack mucked things up he knew that his devoted Legolas was going to be a brilliant parent. Jack had never met a more loving creature.

Pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, mother to be. If that wasn’t the most interesting and hilarious thing that he had ever heard then... well, hold on, it positively was the most interesting and hilarious thing, in this strange place called Middle Earth or on any old Earth.

As he patted his hard, protruding belly Jack wondered if they were going to have a little boy or a girl. If they had a little boy then the sentimental Jack was definitely naming him William. After all, in a way he had young Mr. Turner to thank for this brave new life.

And if a wee lass battled her way from Jack’s belly then... well, what else but Elizabeth? Only any daughter of Captain Jack Sparrow would not grow up to be a rum-burning, dangerously sly wench. Oh no. Here she would be a warrior. She’d be able to whip any rascally scalawag who looked at her wrong.

Whatever the case, they could always try for another wee one.

Jack blinked and slowly shook his head. Had he gone completely stark, raving daft? Carry another baby?

His bonny Legolas chose that moment to return and smile down at Jack in his sinfully adoring fashion. "Here we are... and here I am, my dear, sweet lover." After Legolas placed the treats and wine within Jack’s easy reach the tall Prince sensuously ran his strong hands over Jack’s curved belly. He slowly pulled down Jack’s loose leggings. "I decided the foot rub can come second... something else comes first... and hopefully someone else." Playfully licking his full lips Legolas ducked his golden head down. Soft hair swept across Jack’s thighs. Warm lips and a long, wet tongue performed an intricate act designed to near kill a man with overwhelming passion.

Hnnnghhn mmm ohhh. Yes, Jack had gone mad... over his fair, enchanting Elf.

Come on then, large families were fun.