Title: A Year Not Worth the Living For Author: Artemis Allen e. mail: Artemisa555@aol.com Pairing: OB/VM Rating:  R Warnings: This is sad, angsty and contains implied het. So it has absolutely nothing to recommend it - sorry. Summary: Written for the Characters in Bloom May challenge 'One Year On'. It's December 2004 and one year on Orlando remembers the night of the Return Of The King Premiere in L.A. Disclaimer: Viggo and Orlando belong to themselves, this author does not claim to know the sexuality of either actor, this story is not true, and I am not making any money out of it. Thanks as ever to Janey D for beta duties. **************************************************************** A Year Not Worth the Living For "Thank God it's Friday!" Johnny Depp drops into the canvas chair beside Orlando's and throws a booted leg over the arm. "A day off tomorrow. And do you know what today is?" Orlando knows exactly what today is but in any case Johnny doesn't wait for him to respond. "In exactly three weeks time it will be Christmas Eve and we'll be on our way home." Johnny grins fingering the braids in his beard. Orlando can't quite share his enthusiasm. "S'up Bloom?" Johnny swats him playfully on the arm "Don't you want to be home for Christmas, see that pretty little girlfriend of yours?" "Sure." Orlando smiles weakly, "Sure I do." "Well then. Bloody well cheer up. We're in to December now, today's the third, we'll soon be back home mate." Orlando knows it's the third, he's been thinking about it all week because that means it's been a whole year. He closes his eyes and can't suppress a heavy sigh. A whole damn year. The first of December last year had been the day of the Return Of The King Premiere in New Zealand and Orlando had been happy then, so happy that he hadn't thought life could possibly get any better. He and Viggo hadn't seen each other for a couple of months but now they were getting to spend nearly a fortnight together, to be constantly in each other's company and with absolutely no need to conjure up an excuse for it. On the second they'd flown to L.A. and it was so great to have the whole cast travelling together, they were like an extended family slipping quickly back into familiar ways. And Orlando's and Viggo's relationship had always been accepted by and existed within the security of that family, it was comfortable, it was like being home. On the third they'd all attended the Premiere. In L.A. Orlando has a collection of photos from those few days and especially from that night in L.A. Pictures of the two of them hugging each other, or even just standing together but so close and so connected, they're almost oblivious to anyone else around them. There's one in particular, where Viggo's mouth is pressed against Orlando's ear, he remembers that, remembers Viggo whispering lust laden promises for later in the evening, remembers anticipating another blissful night in Viggo's bed. And there's another of Orlando performing almost the same manoeuvre, telling Viggo exactly how much he wanted him. How much he'd always want him. It had been such a perfect day. He'd woken that morning with Viggo spooned up close behind him. He was nipping lightly at Orlando's neck and Orlando could feel him already hard against the back of his thigh, feel Viggo's hand sliding over his belly towards his own now rapidly hardening cock. Orlando had moaned and Viggo had chuckled a husky, "Good morning." before almost immediately nudging gently into him, He was still fairly open from the previous night's lovemaking but he wouldn't have cared anyway. After weeks of being apart they were both desperate for this kind of physical intimacy at every opportunity. And it had been an incredibly tender coupling that morning as they'd rocked to a slow, overwhelming completion and lain still fused together until the basic laws of anatomy had defeated them. Then they'd snuggled in each other's arms until Karl had hammered on the door and ordered them to get their fucking arses out of bed immediately and get themselves to their respective press conferences.      The Premiere itself had been amazing, the celebrities, the press, the hoards of fans going completely wild and then the endless partying. So it was late that night when, both more than a little drunk, they'd staggered back to Orlando's room and Viggo had sat down heavily on the bed and started to unbutton his shirt while Orlando had remained standing, wanting to watch his lover undress, waiting to pounce. "I was thinking." Viggo slurred struggling with the button covers "When you go back to the Caymans I'd come with you for a few days. Now that the film is out there thing's will be quieter." "You can't." Orlando shot back quickly, too quickly. "Why not?" Viggo looked up at him puzzled and Orlando drunk and incapable of thinking straight had blurted out the truth. "Because Kate's coming down?" Viggo stared at him for a moment bemused. "Who the fuck is Kate?" Because Viggo didn't follow his own press reports, let alone anybody else's, so Viggo hadn't heard the rumours. "She's the…. She's a…I've been…sort of seeing her." Viggo continued to stare, hands frozen against his chest. "You've been seeing someone else…some girl…for how long?" His voice sounded much more sober now, low and controlled and dangerous. Orlando's brain struggled to form an excuse but after all what could he possibly say. That he was seeing a vaguely popular young actress because he knew everyone already thought of his as a pretty boy and he didn't want to be a gay pretty boy. But before he could even begin to reply Viggo had asked the inevitable follow up question. "Are you sleeping with her?" And again what the hell could he say. That he hadn't intended for it to go that far but that she was young and pretty and also very persistent. That it hadn't meant anything, that it was just sex. He nodded miserably. "I thought it would be good PR to be seen with her…you know…but somehow it developed." "Orlando how could you?" Viggo sighed quietly, he still hadn't moved. "I couldn't help it." Orlando mumbled "I'm so sorry. She's not… I don't…it just happened. I couldn't help it." "That is so fucking lame." "I know… I just…I know." Orlando searched Viggo's face for some sign of understanding or forgiveness but there was none, only hurt and disappointment. Viggo stared a little longer in silence then lifted himself slowly from the bed and started towards the door. "Viggo! Where are you going?" Orlando lunged unsteadily after him. "I'm leaving Orlando. It's over." "But you can't…you can't just walk out…we need to talk." Viggo turned back to face him and raised his arm and for a moment Orlando thought he was going to hit him but instead he laid his hand very gently against Orlando's cheek. "I don't think any amount of talking can fix this." He said, pale blue eyes locking with Orlando's deep brown. "You can't just throw this away Vig! You can't." Orlando's chest was so tight he could hardly breath. Viggo's palm was hot against his skin the fingers continued to stroke his cheek and the thumb swiped briefly across his mouth pressing his lips closed. "I'm not." He whispered brokenly, "You did that all on your own." The hand slipped from his face and Viggo turned and left him standing there without saying another word. Orlando hadn't known what to do, hadn't known how to even begin to fix it. He'd flung himself down on the bed and tried to blame Viggo because he hadn't waited for the explanations, the apologies, the declarations, because he' d just left and abandoned so easily everything that was between them. But during the remainder of that long sleepless night he'd had to accept the truth. At Orlando's asking Viggo had agreed that they would keep their relationship a secret apart from close friends until Orlando had more firmly established his career. He'd put up with all the subterfuge, put up with the separations, put up with Orlando's whiney phone calls in the middle of the night and in return Orlando had betrayed him. Not just by sleeping with Kate but by trying in the first place to eradicate any suspicion of a relationship with Viggo. By the next morning he knew he couldn't face Viggo, couldn't in fact face anyone, so he'd pulled out of the rest of the Premieres and flown straight back to the Caymans. After a week of torturing himself he'd tried phoning but Viggo had refused to take his calls. Orlando had called Sean Bean and Sean, who'd known about Kate during Troy, said, "I told you so." Which of course he had and he'd refused to intercede with Viggo even when Orlando sobbed incoherently into the phone. "It's time to grow up Orlando." Was his only advice "Because this is going to be tough and people are going to take sides."  After three divorces Sean had first hand experience in these matters and Sean had been right and somehow in the family separation that inevitably followed Viggo had got the Hobbits. Orlando had seen the pictures of Dom and Elijah at the Hidalgo Premiere. Viggo had looked well; perhaps he wasn't missing Orlando the way Orlando missed him. He'd called Dom from Morocco asked how Viggo really was. Dom with undisguised hostility had said he was fine and not even asked Orlando how he was doing. Orlando wondered if they were sleeping together, because he knew that Dom had always wanted Viggo and his heart had cracked a little more. So Orlando had been left with Kate and something that had been meant as a diversion had somehow become permanent. He didn't really see all that much more of her to begin with, she was working on a film and he worked too, he worked constantly, what else was there to do. He didn't really want her any more, but he didn't have the energy to finish with her either. And she actually seemed to love him, well she always seemed happy to be with him but it annoyed her that he wouldn't comment publicly on their relationship. In interviews he always refused to talk about his private life because although it was common knowledge now that he was seeing her he couldn't bring himself to announce it to the world, he couldn't pretend that he loved her because he didn't, he still loved Viggo. Orlando had grown thin and weary in the last year. Johnny had told him bluntly that he looked bloody awful when they began the shooting for Pirates in the fall. "I've just been working hard." Orlando had replied. And in essence that was true enough. Kingdom of Heaven would open early next year. He'd just finished Elizabethtown and now they were doing the two new Pirates films. His name was constantly up there on the movie posters but he didn't give a damn about being successful anymore, he worked so that he didn't have time to think about the wreckage of his life. "What are you doing this evening? " Johnny asks dragging him back to the here and now. Orlando stares out over the seascape and feels the tears pricking at his eyes. "I'm going to get very, very drunk." He replies flatly. Because it's been a whole year and he wants to forget. But he knows however much he drinks that's just not going to happen. Even now he can still feel that final touch, still feel the imprint of Viggo's fingers on his cheek. It's like he's been branded, he thinks everyone must be able to see the scars. He wonders if he'd feel any better if Viggo had actually hit him, wonders if that would have enabled him to hate. "Orlando!" "Yeah!" he's not sure how long Johnny has been talking. "Are you okay mate? You've not exactly been a bundle of laughs this entire shoot but you seem more than usually morose today." "Sorry, just…you know…thinking," he shrugs. "Is Kate alright? There's no problem with the baby is there?" He lays a brotherly arm around Orlando's shoulders. Orlando squeezes his eyes shut again and fights the tears because that's the final twist. Kate is pregnant. He got back from Morocco drained and defeated and they were careless. Kate was half thrilled, half terrified, what could he do. Sean had tried to persuade him against it but he was Orlando Bloom, the archetypal nice guy, there was no debating it, obviously he would marry her. Kate has a big wedding planned for after the baby is born in the Spring. All of the Fellowship are on the guest list. He's going to have to work out how the hell to explain to her why most of them won't come. So much has happened to Orlando since he first flew out to New Zealand more than five years ago, so young, so bloody keen, so fresh out of drama school and up until a year ago it had all been amazing. But then a year ago today Viggo walked out of his life forever and since then nothing has been the same, nothing has really been worth the living for. The End